Ramblings about Religion

I’ve never really agreed with Pascal’s Wager. According to wikipedia, Pascal argues that a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God. If God does not actually exist, such a person will have only a finite loss (some pleasures, luxury, etc.), whereas [if they follow God] they stand to receive infinite gains (as represented by eternity in Heaven) and avoid infinite losses (eternity in Hell).

	God exists (G)	God does not exist (¬G)
Belief (B)	+∞ (infinite gain)	−1 (finite loss)
Disbelief (¬B)	−∞ (infinite loss)	+1 (finite gain)

In my opinion, you can use a decision hierarchy like the one above to decide what to do, but not what to believe. I don’t think you can hedge your bets on this. You actually believe in God, or you don’t. Do you think if you pretend to believe in God, he’ll be fooled? I always thought that if there was a God, he could see into my heart and know what I was really thinking.

But maybe I’m the only one who thought you were supposed to be truly honest with God. Look at Catholics getting their annulments. I don’t believe that you should lie to God and try to convince him that you were never married before, when you were married in a church by a guy who invoked God’s name, and you lived together for a dozen years and had 2 kids together. I think God knows that you were really married and I don’t see the point of lying to him about it.

Maybe some believers think God is dumb. You ever notice that when the minister prays, he doesn’t just say “We’re grateful for what we have. We’d kind of like this, if you don’t mind. Thanks, bye.” No, he talks for weeks about how “You say in your gospel that if we do X, you’ll do Y. Lord Jesus, I command you to stretch out your hand to us now. Lord, we are doing X, and now it’s your turn to do Y. Yes, Lord Jesus, yes. Do Y!” Ok, maybe that was just at the Holy Roller churches we went to, but the minister does usually seem to try to prove to God that he’s supposed to grant these wishes, as indicated in this or that verse in the Bible.

Why do people pray for such a long time when they’re praying with a group? Are they trying to convince God or their peers? God already knows what’s in their hearts and sees their desire. So they don’t need to tell him. And if the person praying is not voicing the desires that are in their peers’ hearts already, they shouldn’t be acting like they represent the congregation to God. So they’re supposedly saying what the whole group feels, in which case they shouldn’t have to belabor the point. God knows, and the congregation knows. If the Holy Rollers are talking so much to whip their followers into a Pentecostal frenzy, that seems like something they can do amongst themselves without getting God on the phone and shutting their eyes and pretending they’re talking to him. Have your little pep rally with your friends, and when you’re all riled up, THEN start your prayer. “Hi God! We are SO grateful for what we have! You’re the best! Would you mind doing this thing for us? Thanks again! Say hi to Jesus for us! We love you, bye!”

You don’t need to preach the sermon in the prayer. Have some respect. Yes, sometimes when you’re in agony, you will spend hours talking to God because he’s the only one who will listen. More power to you. But don’t rehearse a prayer, get God on the phone, and waste his time, your time and the congregation’s time by reading the whole thing. Don’t pretend you’re talking to God when you’re really preaching to your friends.

Why do I have more respect for your God than you do?

If I were someone else

A song on the radio contained the lyric "if I were someone else," so I started thinking about that line of speculation. We often wonder what it would be like to be someone else, generally with the idea that that other life would be easier/better/more interesting. We also sometimes use the expression, "If I were you, I would..." and then tell another person what we think they should do.

Of course, whenever we indulge in that train of thought, we eventually have to wrap it up and put it away by realizing that if I were someone else, I would really BE someone else. I wouldn't just look like someone else, like in the movie Freaky Friday or The Hot Chick. I wouldn't get to try out driving around in their body; I would have lifelong experience being in that body. I would have all the same history, opinions, memories, pain tolerance, food allergies, political affiliations, relationships. I would be that person. So "if I were you, I would..." do exactly what you are doing.

But imagine that I'm standing here talking to you and I say "if I were you..." and some cosmic trickster says "Ok!" and switches us. What would happen then? I would be you, and you would be me. And

Nothing. Would. Have. Changed.

There would be two people standing there in that room, one of them with all the history and personality that marks them as me, and the other with all the history and personality that marks them as you. There would be no way to prove that we had each started the day in the other person's clothes. (What had started the day in the other person's clothes??) For all we know, each day we wake up as a different person. But since we're not just impersonating them--we ARE them--we never notice the difference.

So logically, it is exactly as true to say "If I were someone else" as it is to say "I AM someone else." This is either a trippy but useless mind game, or The Truth, depending upon how you want to view it. "I" am Spirit/God/Consciousness manifesting as the name on my birth certificate. "You" are the same Spirit/God/Consciousness manifesting as the name on your birth certificate.

I am you as you are me. We are all one. I am a single human named "Colony," so I should be able to remember that. The other day I was watching a guy playing beautiful guitar, and I thought, "I wish I could do that." And then I thought, "I AM doing that."

Worry is Useless

A few months ago I was going through some really intense life changes, and a lot of the time had to be spent waiting for the next step. This can be excruciating, because it feels like there's nothing to do but imagine the future, and all the things that could go wrong.

Now, this wasn't my first rodeo. I've had challenging periods in my life before, and I've (obviously) lived through them. But the anxiety I was feeling when imagining my inability to cope with the hypothetical future was staggering.

I finally realized this basic truth: I am always strong enough to cope with whatever is happening, but it's impossible to cope with what hasn't happened. I literally "can't handle" the thing I'm worried about for the simple reason that it is intangible. There's nothing there to handle. 

It's like when something is funny in a dream, but if you're able to remember it when you're awake, it's not funny anymore. Your dreaming mind said, "insert funny thing here" so your dream self believed it was funny and laughed. Your wakeful, worrying mind says, "insert insurmountable obstacle ahead" and if you believe it, you'll think that there's "something" nebulous in the future that you will not be able to deal with--which is true of nothing, in reality.

Considering that I have been through all this before, you would think that it wouldn't occur to me to waste time worrying. But since it still does, at least I can draw from my past experiences to see that the worrying didn't help. For example, I'm going to be flying to California for a business trip next month, as I have done in previous years. I will need to leave in time to make my flight and to bring my ticket, my ID and a credit card for any expenses. I'll need a bit of luggage, which should include clean underwear and my laptop for work. Everything else is frills. 

Now, if at some point in the trip some unforeseen bad thing happens, I know from experience that I will solve it on the fly, and that I will NOT--at any point--say "If only I had anticipated this happening, I would have been prepared!" I'm not going to say that, because it's not going to be true. Even if I guess the exact thing that eventually happens (my flight is delayed, the hotel catches on fire, the Big One hits California while I'm there) the worrying I've done over it will not make me any more capable of dealing with the situation. You make sure you have the tools you know you will need (ticket, underwear) and then you deal with whatever happens.  Any time you spend anticipating things that could go wrong is a complete waste of time. 

Declining

It's hard to refuse to do a favor. I don't like to disappoint someone who wants something from me, and I really dislike the part where I have to come right out and say no. It's not "nice." It's "selfish." It's "bad manners." I have never felt empowered to stand my ground and decline to do something that another person wants me to do.

I was chatting to a friend today via IM and mentioned a situation where a colleague wanted a favor. It doesn't matter what the favor was, but assume that it would have been heavy and ongoing, and would have severely impinged on my personal boundaries. I was in the process of typing, "I know he wants me to do this, but I really really don't want to."

Then I stopped myself. I backspaced and re-wrote it:

"I know he wants me to do this, but I will not."

That was a thrill, and a revelation: I. Will. Not. It is my will to not do this thing.

Just look at the difference in the wording there. "Really don't want to" is weak. It's saying that I have fairly strong feelings about this, but not strong enough to actually take a stand. "Really really don't want to" is pathetic. It's saying, "Please don't make me do this! I'm entirely at your mercy, but please take pity on me!"

Contrast that with "I will not," which means that this issue is not open to discussion. More than even a simple no, "I will not" is a statement of my intention with an implied certainty that this must and shall come to pass.

When a person asks me to sacrifice myself for their benefit, "I will not" is a perfectly acceptable answer. This is my decision to make, and I don't need my colleague's permission not to do this favor for him. I need to hear myself say it, and believe it.

"I will not."

Thoughts..

Now that I'm old, I realize that people are being ironic when they claim to be old.

I hate it when I'm sending a finely crafted joke text and auto-correct spoils my punch llama.

The heating element on the stove is called a "burner," which tells you everything you need to know about our appliances' faith in our culinary skills.

If you offer someone some food and say, "I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with this," they are less likely to eat it. Which is odd, considering that most snacks come with no guarantee at all.

Handy trick: If you've had a terrible day, toss back a shot of cheap tequila. I guarantee you'll realize your day wasn't so bad--before you had that shot of cheap tequila.

Whenever I suddenly slap my hands together and someone looks at me knowingly and says, "bug?" I like to say "no; I'm happy and I know it."

To Thine Own Self Be True

It seems to me like people have the wrong idea about what it means to be true to yourself. You'll hear people say things like "I'm just going to be myself, and if people don't like it, they can...." They're taking the advice to be yourself to mean: "do whatever you feel like doing and be proud of it."

I don't think that's the intention at all. It's easy to just go along doing whatever comes naturally. There's no virtue there. Every thoughtless, lower-brain thing you do is going to be 'yourself.' The important thing is to be true to your own code of ethics, the rules that you've adopted as governing your own life.

Let's say that Karen believes in being honest with people no matter the consequences. For Karen, being true to herself means refusing to make a false statement in order to keep the peace, even when pressured to do so. On the other hand, Mike abhors speaking unkindly about other people behind their backs, and prefers to look for the good in everyone. For Mike, being true to himself means refusing to join in when other people are being critical of others, even if what they're saying is true. Karen and Mike's values might sometimes seem to be in conflict with each other, but neither one is being "fake" if they follow their own belief system.

Now let's say that a third person, Frank, has had an argument with Karen, because she told him to stop talking during the movie. Frank says that Karen has no right to tell him how to live his life, and stomps off. Frank later tells Mike that Karen is a bossy jerk, and that he's not going to bend to her will; he's just going to be himself, and if she doesn't like it, tough.

The problem here is that Frank's not defending a system of beliefs--unless he's got a moral obligation to talk during movies--he's just denying responsibility for his actions. There's no merit in that. It's possible that Frank doesn't have any rules for his life, and that he's just going along doing whatever comes naturally. If so, then he probably needs to do some work, but if he chooses not to, he's earning no points for "being himself."