To Thine Own Self Be True

It seems to me like people have the wrong idea about what it means to be true to yourself. You'll hear people say things like "I'm just going to be myself, and if people don't like it, they can...." They're taking the advice to be yourself to mean: "do whatever you feel like doing and be proud of it."

I don't think that's the intention at all. It's easy to just go along doing whatever comes naturally. There's no virtue there. Every thoughtless, lower-brain thing you do is going to be 'yourself.' The important thing is to be true to your own code of ethics, the rules that you've adopted as governing your own life.

Let's say that Karen believes in being honest with people no matter the consequences. For Karen, being true to herself means refusing to make a false statement in order to keep the peace, even when pressured to do so. On the other hand, Mike abhors speaking unkindly about other people behind their backs, and prefers to look for the good in everyone. For Mike, being true to himself means refusing to join in when other people are being critical of others, even if what they're saying is true. Karen and Mike's values might sometimes seem to be in conflict with each other, but neither one is being "fake" if they follow their own belief system.

Now let's say that a third person, Frank, has had an argument with Karen, because she told him to stop talking during the movie. Frank says that Karen has no right to tell him how to live his life, and stomps off. Frank later tells Mike that Karen is a bossy jerk, and that he's not going to bend to her will; he's just going to be himself, and if she doesn't like it, tough.

The problem here is that Frank's not defending a system of beliefs--unless he's got a moral obligation to talk during movies--he's just denying responsibility for his actions. There's no merit in that. It's possible that Frank doesn't have any rules for his life, and that he's just going along doing whatever comes naturally. If so, then he probably needs to do some work, but if he chooses not to, he's earning no points for "being himself."